Giving up my dog - Charlie

Charlie has been a revelation to my life these past three months. He snuggles and cuddles with me. He's a bit of a box of rocks and looks at me with these deep, sleepy eyes. "huh? yeah, I guess I can go over there. hold on a second..." as he trundles around. But he has a problem, he doesn't get along with our other dog at all.

They are both rescue pugs and so there is a lot of risk with both of them as they come from fractured backgrounds. But hey, my love and I are up for challenges and there's no love like someone you've gone through some challenges with. We got Greta, we got serious about taking care of another life (no more drinking irresponsibly, gotta wake up for bathroom!) and saw the wonderful rewards of that life loving you back. Of loving you so much in its puggy little heart that it would do anything to protect you. Both of us.

What we know of Greta's background is sketchy. Her original owner died suddenly. Greta and his other pug were found with the dead owner three days after he died. We know that Greta doesn't like seeing either of us, especially CBot (love of my life) sleeping heavily and unresponsive. Its a trigger. She thinks she's alone again. Upshot for CBot: can't get hangovers anymore, Greta gets skittish and unhappy. Kind of an upshot, less ruined mornings.

We could have thought more about this, probably should have thought more. We could have thought about how Greta would react to a new dog. And we did. We thought, 'Greta lived with a dog for years both with her original owner and in foster care. She'll be fine.' We figured with two of us there would be enough laps to go around. Four hands to provide belly rubs and four thighs to plunk against as they fwump down into a snuggle position.

This isn't how dogs work. That is how rational and expressive beings *can* work. It is possible to convince a human who has the faculty of speech that this new, strange situation is okay. That its a good thing because there are now more of us in this family and more is good. We can support each other and offer love and kindness. Hey, if you play cards right, kid, you'll have someone to snuggle with all the time! Even when CBot and I are out for the day or the week. You'll have each other.

Or you could give the two of us warnings from day 1 that you were not okay with this new dog living here. You did, we ignored you. That may be harsh on us, as we did notice and respond, but we responded poorly. We didn't get help, we didn't try anything other then a pat on your head and an admonish to, 'be nice to your brother.' That's not her brother. Greta had litter mates but she never had a brother.

Its a guarding problem. She views Charlie as a threat to take her humans away. Nothing could be further from the truth but I can't sit her down and tell her (I've tried) or cry into her fur asking her to be a nicer pug (tried: doesn't work). Its possible we could work for months to try and get a small improvement. As it is, Greta gets angry and starts sending out warning signs when Charlie is in the same room as her. But these are older dogs. They are rescues. They have who knows what else going on in their heads and who knows what other behaviors that are going to come pouring out if we can overcome these.

If they were younger and we knew their complete histories, we'd try more. But we know the shell of Greta and nothing of Charlie's. We got Charlie from the rescue, he apparently got surrendered during a divorce/re-marriage scenario. What else has he seen and what else is he going to exhibit that we haven't touched on yet? Can we make a happy home for these two loggerheading pugs?

We're saying no, no we can't. We're saying that their guarding behavior is impeding us from providing them with a fulfilling life. We're saying that we are not up to the task of constantly managing their interactions as more of these trigger points are found, tripped and a fight breaks out. We're saying we don't want to see them get hurt because we can't provide them safety from each other.

We're giving up Charlie, the new one. We're going to take him back to the rescue and say, 'this is the best, gentlest pug we've ever met. he'll be great anywhere but with us.' And we'll do out best to not be angry at Greta. And we'll move forward stronger and with better tips for making your eyes hurt less after crying (put cold water on cotton balls, place on eyes: charm!). And we will miss Charlie every day. He's my first dog and I have never felt this much pain before. I have never felt so terrible and not been able to do anything about it.

The rescue is a good one and he was in excellent shape when we got him. And while we have failed to provide for him, it wasn't because we didn't love him. It wasn't because we didn't try. We needed to take stock of the duration of their lives and ask: 'what's best for them?'

These guys: http://www.seattlepugs.com/ are getting our pug back. Check it out, maybe you can find a great dog or send them some money as they take care of needy, wonderful dogs who did nothing wrong except want to be happy and safe.